(With apologies to Jonathan Swift)
Much hand wringing has evolved over the current obesity crisis enveloping the United States and numerous other countries. In the interest of mitigating this unfortunate situation, I offer a simple solution of established efficacy.
In the United States, proponents long ago succeeded in implementing a waiting period and background checks on individuals wishing to purchase handguns. Advocates credit this approach with providing real benefits in reducing handgun violence and, hence, in saving many American lives.
The effects of obesity are widely blamed for far more American deaths than handguns. Additionally, the current health care crisis in the U. S. is gravely compounded by the complications associated with obesity. The answer is obvious; implement a waiting period and background check on the purchase of high-fat foods.
Imagine, if you will, this scenario: An individual goes to their favorite fast food restaurant and orders a bag of fries. Those fries are then set aside and, after a 10-day waiting period and background check to determine that said individual is not at risk, the fries can be picked up and consumed by the purchaser.
I predict the implementation of such a modest and reasonable proposal would lead to a dramatic improvement in the nation's health, virtually over night. I urge you to contact your elected representatives and demand they implement this proposal immediately. We have nothing to lose but our fat.
Think of the children.